Hi, would you like donate? Thank you.

Now, try saying that 400 times to people who either ignore you or run from you as though you have SARS or something...while standing up.

Seriously. Most Singaporeans are so selfish.

Well, on with the post. When you are collecting money and/or giving out stickers, you realize that there are about 7 types of people in Singapore. The assholes, the ignoramus(seses-sses), the super donators, the virus-fearful, the "must-I?"s, the black hands and the apologetic.

Lets start with the assholes. I met like nine of them. You know that they're assholes when this happens. Okay, lets set the image. You are the can...holder person... and you see a guy walking towards you. You approach him and ask whether he has any spare change. He reaches into his pocket(by the way, I'm using "he" because every asshole I met was a dude.) and you hear a lot and I mean, A LOT of coins jingle around in his pocket. It's like he just robbed an army of hobos or something. Anyway, you obviously hear the coins and get all excited right? Then he looks up and goes: " No coins leh.." And walks off.

Then, there's a super-asshole. This guy, when I approached him, said no coins and rushed off. Then, when I said "Okay, Thanks anyway.", he got onto the escalator(I was standing outside an MRT station),stuck his hand in his pocket, shook some coins around, turned back, and smiled.

Yeah I know. What an asshole right?

Okay, next there are the people who pretend you do not exist. When you approach them, they just turn around and talk to their buddy, or walk straight on forward. There was this one guy who just pushed me aside when I got near him. Jerk-off...


Then, there are those very nice Singaporeans who donate like 412 times. A minute. It's these kind of people that make me happy. There was this old lady who walked past me like 4 times and donated every time. She had a lot of stickers.

There are also those people who, the moment they see you, either turn around, quicken their step or just run off. Seriously. There are people who ran. From me. And when they run off, they stick up their hands as though I'm about to shoot them. Every time someone does that to me, I always spin around to check if like Satan was behind me or something.

Next up, the people I like to call, the "must-I?"s. These people still donate. But when they donate or when you approach them, they give you that look like... "Aww...must I? I really don't want to. Please don't make me do chores..." These people shouldn't even donate if they don't want to. No, wait. Then I'd have to stand there longer.

Also, there the people who stick their hands in your face to stop you. It's as though they think they have the force or something. They're like "SHIIWEAOO!!' and expect you to fly away or something.

Lastly, there are the apologetic people. You know those people. You know, when you get near them they just keep saying sorry non-stop until they're like 200 meters away from you. I feel like when I get near them, and they start saying sorry, I feel like I broke them or something. I'm like "Woah. I didn't touch him! It's not my fault! It broke on it's own!"

Camp Camelot Part 1- Jump On It

I'm back! From camp!

Well, I could type about everything but I think I'll only type what I can remember.

First of all, I want to rant about CRC. CRC or Challenge Rope Course, as it is known as amongst its peers, is an interesting course of blah blah blah...

Actually, the CRC is a chamber built by demons to brainwash human offspring into not fearing heights with tiny nanobots built by dwarven scientists in the eighteenth century. When in the CRC, the chamber masters disguised as mere mortals, give out harnesses that inject the nanobots into your bloodstream and eventually into your bone marrow and brain and they also hand out helmets which also scan your brain for a change in your neurotransmitter signals which is a sign that the nanobots latched themselves into your cerebral cortex or more specifically, your occipital lobe and your cerebellum.

The time taken for the nanobots to latch themselves to your brain and start transmitting is about four minutes. That's why when you go for your CRC, the "trainers" make you do at least two "rope courses" or as they call it, test facilities. While you do the first one, the nanobots are working their way up your bone marrow. Then, you do your second rope course, the "trainers" check your brain activity to see if the nanobots have done their job. If you are still scared, they unleash a second dose of nanobots into your bloodstream. Then you go again.

Heh. Sorry about that, I couldn't help myself.

By the way, it's all fake. I lied about everything.*

So, in the CRC, I did one where you must climb up a five meter high pole, jump off and grab a trapeze(which is a horizontal pole hung from a higher pole.). The trainers all say:"Kay! All you need to do is climb up and grab that pole there! Okay! Lets go!"

Pfft. They say it as though it was that simple. the real experience is:

First, you have to climb up five meters on small little shaky bent pieces of metal scotch taped to the wooden pole in three seconds because those over-enthusiastic a$$h01e5 down on the floor are pulling the rope so fast you'll get dragged upwards.

Anyway, because of the awkwardly placed "steps", at the last step where you must step on the fifty-cent sized platform top, you'll be squatting like a frog, hand between your legs on the top of the pole and your legs all over the place.

Once your on top of the pole, you realise that the floor is uneven and the entire pole is shaking. It's at this point tha you realise that the trainer has been shouting at you the whole time but you only notice now as you have been trying to make yourself lighter so those paperclip steps do not break.

Okay, let's recap, now you've somehow managed to get on top of the pole. You're partially crouched because the pole is swaying. The trainer is screaming at you to straighten your legs and jump. The other people below you are tugging on the rope causing you to be more fearful.

...So, you are standing on the top of th pole, all the possible outcomes flashing through your mind. Then, suddenly, (about the time when the nanobots make it to your occipital lobe and start transmitting) you feel less scared and you jump.

Heh. I can't write anymore I'll continue later.


*Or did I?